This article could really help people who are planning to get married soon. I think Im married to a narcissist. But, he is also OCD type A. He is not the ttpical type I read aboit. He works insanely hard, is successful, there are no hobbies except an insane leve to detail around the home. I have never been able to keep up, I have tried, I have fallen apart, turned to drugs, which gave him the full upperhand.
Got sober, tried to keep up. He is organized and meticulous. He controls the money, the only thing I have kept private is my phone bill. But he wants to merge plans and I wont let it happen. But the worst is the kids. He isnalways right, its always his way. I have become depressed and hopeless, confused. I dont have dreams or goals anymore. I feel beaten. But somehow I keep going on. I am afraid I will lose the kids.
I am so full of fear of losing everything and not being able to make it on my own. But the biggest fear is not being able to protect my kids from his emotional abuse if we divorce. Not like I am doing a great job now. I keep marching through it. Like I go into this pretending Im ok place.
But im not. My soul feels crippled and ive had to make myself so small to stay in this. I dont knownhow to leave I dont know if I can. He wont go to therapy. My self esteem is shot and Im exhausted all the time. I dont know what to do. I am so sorry to hear what you are experiencing. I urge you to seek therapy for yourself. I understand you have attempted to get your husband to attend couples therapy but i think for right now the priority is you. Individual therapy would be helpful to reduce and or eliminate some of the negative feelings you are experiencing.
It was also build your self esteem, help you develop a healthier way of managing stressors, and improve your parenting. You have to get yourself better not only for you but your children. Once you have achieved this it will provide a clearer picture of what you should do moving forward.
I hope this helps. Your worth is more than what your marriage is. See the bigger picture. Imagine the freedom. Your kids will still love you. Very insightful and practical for handling such relationships. So very relevant. Finally got my life back! Find support for yourself. A narcissist will never change. I too am married to a narcissist. He has 5 day to week plus bouts of not speaking with any of us and even ignoring our pets which he wanted.
Married for the first time after 40 and thought I had found the right one but am not sure how to live a life like this long term. We tried counseling where he acted all sweet and touchy and I was told I was not receptive to his love. It was horrible. Why would I be.
He played the game and he always does and I looked like the bad guy. Where do I go and what do I do? I think it would be best to explore marital counseling again, however, you must decide if you truly want to salvage the relationship. If you decide that you do want to salvage your marriage it is important that you confront the discrepancies in your husbands behavior during the therapy. In order for therapy to work you and your husband must both be honest and transparent about the real issues in your relationship.
I wish you the best of luck! Hello my name is serena. I am going on my 10 year anniversary with my husband ,but we been together since I love my kids with all my heart.
When they got to where they were able to walk it seemed like after work he would go to the basement and lock the door until I put the kids to bed and they were asleep. Then I got to feeling alone and down because he was always playing computer games. Plus I was wanting to get back into the work force again because he would tell me his money was his money.
Left my mother who was sick and friends I knew all my life. He told me all I needed is the kids and himself to be happy. He always complained and still does about how hard it is to take care of the kids 4 hours while I work in the evenings. Its just the way he says things. Always saying what did I do to deserve this. I actually went to counseling because of his hurtful words. It helped to talk to someone i heard him in the kitchen saying my wife is seeing a counselor and turning my wife against me.
All I know is that this situation has caused me to not even want to trust or let people give me a hug when they notice I need one because I just start to cry. He even asked me which job I would quit if he ever got sick. I said my morning job because the hospital pays more and offers more. He said I see where you stand if I was to get sick even if I had to rest in the evenings you would still work in the evenings. I would rather you work in the mornings.
Plus tries to get me to sell my car which is paid off and is the only thing that is in my name because we purchased a new jeep for the family and only thinks what makes his parents happy and thinks he has to let them know about everything that goes on in our lives. You were being isolated when he moved you away from your family and when he tried to get you to sell your car. This is part of their subtle narcissistic behaviour.
I feel your anguish. I stayed for 30 years. He sold my car, never once in 30 years visited my parents. He actually typed a letter to my father,making it appear to be a letter from me.
This is done to isolate us, so that when the abuse escalates we have no one to turn to. Watch out for parent alienation as my x was a professional at this. It has taken years for my sons to have a relationship with me again. This individual is damaged and mentally ill. Life can be a great deal better. I have been on my own for 15 years and life is good. I am learning to trust again and accept kindness of healthy individuals. My best wishes go with you.
You are capable. I think i am with a narc. Its subtle. I am not so sure as there is no support that side and we have 2 small children. I would suggest you do your research on where your husband would like to move. Get a better understanding of your rights, the opportunities available, and how this will benefit your family as a whole. You must explore why you believe your husband is trying to isolate you and why you believe your children will be taken away from you prior to considering a significant life change moving.
If you do not reconcile your concerns you will be walking into this blindly, hence, ill prepared to manage any challenges related to the potential move. Hi all Im also in the same position all the boxes are ticked. Im so tired of getting hurt also have 2 small kids but so scared I wont survive financially but I cant carry on like this. It is like talking to a teenager just arguing nothing get solved ans I just get insulted all the time. My one kid is also starting to show disrespectful behaviour or Maybe its just his age.
This relationship is draining me emotionally I dont have any happy left. But its not just that easy as packing up and go. I just which I can get the courage and go. He always wants full attention and freaks out our son whom is 2 is always by me and wants mommy yet he freaks out and gets jealous over that and gets mad at me. I want to know if this is normal and makes him a narcissist. I have been married many years to a narcissist.
When we first dated he was charming, bought me flowers and gifts made me feel beautiful. After the 2nd year his true personality came out. Quick to get angry over nothing and very quick to hold grudges and throw things in my face. Always right never wrong. Uses anyone he meets for his own personal gain. No remorse. Started his affairs with men and women after our 2nd year together.
Lied and denied even after being caught with emails from women declaring their love to him. Used to work hard and be employed then decided to use drugs and go meet men and women for sex instead of working during the day. I used to think it was my fault.. Never enough being with one person. Things he has done to me over the years…accused me of sleeping with co workers…I am not allowed any.
Screams at me for the smallest things…I used the wrong glass for getting him a drink. Not kidding. Screans at me then makes me cry and then tells me to stop crying or he will give me a real reason to cry. Hard to leave due to fear of his actions.. Does it seems like your relationship as ended or about to end? How can one live with someone who is never wrong about anything and can never apologize?
I need someone who can be there for me physically and emotionally and who cares about my feelings. I deserve to be happy and loved by someone who is willing to try and care about my well-being. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated! Instead of taking on more responsibilities, you may desperately need adventure and fun. Having a balanced life is important to your wellness. Give yourself permission to be a free spirit and childlike at times. This freedom will help you seek out a more whole, balanced partner.
A woman who is ambitious and has an influential job is attractive to a narcissist. Powerful women often intimidate a normal man, but a narcissist is not afraid of someone like that. He seizes the opportunity of having a strong woman by his side. An extroverted woman may feel like she's met her match — a man powerful enough to stand up to and love all of her. As an influential person, you may believe you need to have every situation under control. Recognize that you, too, are human, and no matter how smart or together you are, you need a relationship that invites you to surrender and be vulnerable without being taken advantage of, a relationship in which you can be built up and supported.
We tend to think that if a woman gets involved with a toxic man, she must have come from a dysfunctional family so she never learned what a healthy relationship is. And while that can be true, it's not always the case. Having a healthy and loving relationship with your father can leave you vulnerable because you haven't experienced, and simply don't believe, the sad truth that bad people exist who wouldn't be labeled as hardened criminals.
If you grew up with a father who was always there for you, you may have a hard time accepting the idea that a man would target you specifically for your capacity to love.
The tension of opposites produces genuine passion that will sustain, deepen, and enliven relationships as long as each partner is respected, seen, and cared for. These differences encourage us to move out of our comfort zone and embrace our growth zone, allowing us to evolve into a more whole and complete person. You are worthy of a man who offers more than he takes and who values your heart, your mind and your body as his own.
It's my goal to empower and educate so you have the tools needed to avoid people who are incapable of expressing love as well as to support your healing journey when love and the loveless collide. You're wired to love and be loved fearlessly! Jianny Adamo, LMHC, founder of Fearless Love Coaching and Counseling supports singles and couples breaking through fears and limitations to create safe and intimate marriages and relationships.
Video calls and phone consultations available. Like a moth to a flame. Here are 4 reasons why men who show narcissistic relationship patterns are drawn to women with positive qualities: 1. You have a high capacity to love. So now that we almost have the freedom to be whoever we want to be, we can be struck by identity paralysis, and continue to seek guidance from the men in our lives. We just have to continue working through our generational trauma of being subjugated, dominated, and often persecuted for being ourselves and speaking our truth.
Loyal Laura is loyal to a fault. The narcissist will also demand that you prove your loyalty over and over. Those displays will require you to repeatedly choose between the narcissist and other people.
And pretty soon, it will be just you and the narcissist. Of course, this is by design. This loyalty bind with a narcissist is a dangerous path to be on.
Be careful before committing yourself to someone who demands absolute loyalty. When I met my narcissist many moons ago , it was attraction at first sight. I mean, he was handsome, smart, funny and very, very charming. I wanted him to like me so badly! So in a misguided effort to fast-forward our relationship I became excessively accommodating to him. I let him call me anytime he liked. I was afraid to hurt his feelings, or to push him away. But if I enacted boundaries from the get-go, I probably would have saved myself a lot of heartache down the line.
Does that sound familiar? Dating an attractive woman is an ego boost for a narcissist who always seeks out ways to enhance his status. A beautiful woman can do just that. Of course, everyone is attracted to beautiful people.
And what we find pleasing to the eye is almost universal: harmonious, symmetrical features are captivating regardless of race, age, culture, etc. But while other people can find beauty on the inside as well as the outside, the narcissist is all about appearances. That vanity is the reason narcissists are often physically attractive themselves. They are the kind of people to go to the gym 5 times a week, have a skincare routine, wear expensive clothes, etc.
So they are immensely attracted to beautiful women.
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